25 MAY 2003
"Each drop of the rain equated every single tear dropping from his eyes. And as it poured, tears streamed like there was no tomorrow. It was as if he’d never weep again. He wanted to drown himself from the salty tears so he could hope there’d be no more pain to come. He could wish that the storm would subside and that another glimpse of happiness will come. Oh, how he wished it never happened, it never came to hurt him like this. How he could just wish so hard…"

"Armand, I’d have to let you go. And you know how hard it is for me. It’d be another hell for me to come across with. I’d have to be faced with another harsh reality of life. Nonetheless I’d have to think of banishing you away from me as another turning point. I can never be happy anymore with you. And you know that very well. It’s gonna be a lot harder for me to get a grip having you around. if you wish to go the so be it. And Matt, you’d have to leave him too. I would have to let the two of you and the hell you brought me leave me so i can get on with the fact that i do deserve something more real and something more worth it. I cannot lie to myself anymore that we still have something. That you could still make the difference I never had. I was a fool once, and again, I cannot let anyone nor anything bring me back there, not even the thought or the mere illusion of having you…"

"No more tears… not a single drop came anymore tonight and last night. When you said you’d leave, that was the last time i knew i wept because of you. Don’t take it for anything else but you knew very well i’d be very much relieved having you out of my life.And you knew it’d be quite easier for me to get on with a lotta things when you’re away. But for whatever it is worth i’d let you know i am scared… not of losing you but of having to face reality again without anyone. I could not say I had never been happy with you, though. It’s just that we sometimes have to really be left alone…"

" I have not thanked you enough for everything. But I do not have the right words. There’s no possible way I could rightly express my appreciation. But nevertheless, thank you! For making me believe… in myself, you, and other people. Thank you for always making me have something to tell my friends and those just around to listen to me about us. Thank you, for you, for bringing me into your world and showing me heaven and hell both at the same time. Thanks for yelling at me, for letting me nag at you; thanks for beating the shit out of me and for making me almost always want to kill you… you’ll have to go now and leave me… Thank you!!!

for JUDE who finally had to go


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