FINDING LOVE IN A SONG

“i love to see the ocean’s beauty and the moon that shines above… alone in the sand looking at the stars wishing someday i will find true love…”

surely everyone of us has created magic spells to lure someone to like us, or love us, the way we wanted to be loved and cared for. we believed in the power of magic. and i suppose we still do. that isn’t so absurd. personally, that was what eight years of watching Charmed has taught me. believing not just in the power of magic spells, wishing wells and ethereal wonders but in LOVE itself. i mean it’s not so bad realizing that besides magic and witchcraft and enlightenment we all have that power to profess love and make it happen. it has made us continue searching for one great love and hope to make it grow within ourselves together with that one we have found to share the greater part of our lives with amidst everything.

all of us had asked for signs. and we still believe that somehow, sometime God will show us something to make us realize that some guy around us is the one. i find it strange for myself. i never really relied on “something purple” or “when-you-catch-him-staring-at-you-and-he-suddenly-sneezes” kinds of things. they only gave me false hopes. if i wanted something or thought loved somebody i make the signs and i make them happen. if it did happen then it might have been a good place for us to plant those seeds of affection and let it grow. some might also say that signs are too old fashioned. some ten years ago our church pastor told us in a valentine fellowship that asking for signs is ancient. and that we cannot give ourselves false hopes that he might be the one if we see him wearing orange briefs. i mean come on! divine intervention is still and still a fairly justifiable ground for faith but we can’t be that surreal.

“wouldn’t it be nice to see the morning with the one you love the most? wouldn’t it be nice to say goodnight to the one you hold so close to your heart?”

I’d be totally lying if i say right now that i wouldn’t want to be loved. after having my heart broken the past few relationships I’ve had, it sure would be wonderful to have someone to give love to. i am not in a rush though. and we all should not be. we just have to give it time.

i mended a broken heart for two years only to have it broken again the past year. but i wouldn’t mind waiting if it has to be another two years before i got it all straight. it has never really been too late for love. and besides i have never really closed my doors and limited my options after everything has been screwed. time has helped me heal my wounds and LOVE itself is the ultimate reason why i have allowed myself to take things as they come. can’t the rest of everyone do it? and by giving ourselves time, we allow our options to become wider. we get to meet a lot of people and we get to realize that even in singlehood we are not alone, nor lonely.

i also broke somebody’s heart recently. or at least i think i did. i couldn’t blame him for feeling neglected or taken for granted. i mean i have been so used to doing things on my own for myself. every trouble i got into i can never bug my boyfriend to save me from it. i will bother my friends but not my boyfriend. that could have been my problem. and i also got to this point where i think that i am so independent that i can’t figure out anymore if i would need my boyfriend so bad to be with me as much as i love him. somebody has to make me realize that. but no one ever did. that itself i know is not enough to justify for breaking his heart but I’m sorry i did.
the truth is, we just keep on wishing that someone would look at us the way we want to be looked at even just once. and we so want it to be real that we can never think of giving that moment up instead take it inside our hearts and let it grow.

we want to find someone each and every minute. when we sleep at night and even before the morning sun rises it dawns on some of us, the search and the wait. it’s just too much to take but we can’t stop ourselves from it. we do it when we go to school or work. when we go to bookstores at the back of our minds we are hoping we could bump into someone and see magic in his eyes when both of you apologize for the accident. when we go to the grocery we often have this funny hope of having someone get the same bottle of ketchup you will be needing. in the middle of walking inside the favourite mall you would just be daydreaming that someone would be there tripping on his feet so that you could laugh so hard, look at him and find a tiny bit of a spark there that may start something else. in bars we wish that someone would be asking for our numbers. and in chat rooms we just endlessly make that search that we would be asked out on a date. or find somebody we could ask out.

“the wind that blows the dove is the wind that blows my love hoping it’ll find its way tMatty Kissing Frankyo you wherever you are…”

or whoever you are… don’t we all love the thought of finding someone we could fall and grow in love with? a match, someone to share love with. could be one sitting beside you on the commuter train, first one to offer you a drink in a bar, the one scanning the pages of the same book you bought last week in a bookstore, someone who always had a fight with, your perfect match could be just anyone around. timing and always the right timing could lead your feelings to something worth it. but one thing though, we can’t be falling in love with just the thought of it. you have to know for yourself that you really love that person and that even though it’s not going to be easy you’ll both be holding onto each other’s hands and make it through because you both love each other and you see yourselves growing in love.

for you, it could be me who wrote this. or not.

for me, it could be you who reads this and thinks that i don’t make any sense at all. or the one who watches behind you reading this. or not.

for everybody, it could be just what we all want. but wanting it isn’t doing it. i have to make it happen for myself, so should you.

and when it does happen, we wouldn’t have to sing sad songs anymore and be lonely.

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