THE EX-BOYFRIEND SYNDROME

WRITTEN ON 17 JUNE 2006
 
"HE WAS THAT ONE PERSON WHO TURNED ME ON AND OFF AT THE SAME TIME. IF ANY OTHER GUY CAME UP TO ME AND HAD OR DIDN’T HAVE THOSE QUALITIES I DO NOT THINK I COULD ALLOW MYSELF TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM."
No one would have thought that he wasn’t over his ex yet. I mean it has been over a year or maybe two that he had not said anything about his feelings for that bastard. And most people would just notice him dating and ditching one guy after the other. For them they would have thought that he was just only exploring his options and the possibilities. Or he could just have been having the time of his life seeing other guys after having not done so while recovering from the break-up. But looking at a different perspective, there is a lot more deal to it that the given justifications. It seems more like denying reality and escaping from the true scenario. He might have recovered from the pain and gotten over the sadness but he wasn’t over the guy yet. Time and again he would only compare the others whom he had dated to that estranged partner. If he thought this guy had the qualities of his ex that made him giddy he would go out and spend time with. And when as time is spent and he learns that the guy lacks the other good qualities and is suddenly reminded of certain actions his ex did that turned him off he immediately dismisses all possibilities of getting along well and going out again with that other guy. Poor thing! And in this process he ends up waiting for some other knight in shining armour to take him out. And it goes on and on.
As long as we regard our exes as ideal and abominable at the same time the absurd comparison between the current date and that one from whom we have been separated with will be inevitable. I mean, here comes the new guy with all his exceptional qualities we haven’t even seen yet but here we come with a list of what qualities we intend to see and not see which obviously are from the ex-boyfriend we used to be with. How repugnant can that be for the new guy? That is why it has to be stopped. And it can’t happen unless we stop ourselves from wanting those old moments back. History does not repeat itself with a new boyfriend. There has got to be new and better, if not as beautiful, experiences to happen if we consider the option and taking the chance with the new guy.

The deal is not wanting your ex any more than you want what you had with him back then. After all, you have already gotten over the pain of losing him. It’s time that you get over the person himself and face the world. The real world, where other people await to love you and be loved by you.

The cure to the ex-boyfriend syndrome is to completely get him out of your system and to stop reminding yourself of how things used to be for the two of you.

And then start looking through the eyes of that one in front of you and consider the possibility of the two of you playing good music together. That’s what second chances to love are all about. Not knowing is the sweetest mystery that one can ever have for himself and loving someone with no restrictions is the greatest discovery one can never imagine.

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