WE NEVER GOT TO PARIS

Parisi was looking at your profile a few minutes back and had to tell myself, “what the hell was i thinking looking at you when all i ever had was an unspoken promise?”

that was what i had with you then. and recently it was all i had with you again.

the morning after that long conversation i didn’t know what to think. up until after a few weeks i didn’t know if i should even think. the rational part of my brain told me that that was where it should all end. and the other side just kept on telling me to hold on to one bit of hope… false one.

and then tonight…

i was just looking and it felt like there was a painful, searing pinch in my heart causing me to wince. i didn’t realize that even just a virtual sight of you would hurt me the way i had been hurt when i had to send you off that afternoon after we had a wonderful evening together.

i didn’t realize that it would be the same amount of pain that i would feel after i sent you off that summer morning to get a good night’s sleep.

it never occurred to me… not until now that i have to really let go of an unspoken love which i think i am the only one who feels.

i tried to get in touch with you to no avail. god knows how foolish i had been trying every possible connection that i have just to get a hold of you. it was like chasing the end of a rainbow.

i never got to Paris. i now know that Paris was an illusion… romance cannot be found there. Paris is a myth. it is a hopeless romantic imagination that could easily burst like soap bubbles. romance is mutually built anywhere… not just somewhere in particular.

i may have been mistaken about creating a romantic vision of us by the tower. perhaps, i was wrong. i realized there had to be U to create us. but there was only me.

i had been busy falling in love with you while you were out there loving someone else but me.

i was in a world of oblivion twice… with you… trying so hard to long for your love… our first and only night together at home and that morning in the most absurd place.

i had a good yesterday with you… a fine tomorrow, i do not think so. i think fate has taken that one for granted.

this one has to take time now. i cared about a flower that i did not know wouldn’t grow. i was the water… i hoped you were going to be the sunlight. but it did not happen as i thought it would.

this one had to happen. i had to look at you painfully one last time before i can let it all go.