23 MARCH 2009
When you lost touch and never heard from each other for some time, the only reasons behind it that you know are your own. We would have to know his, much as we would want to, but we couldn’t. What makes it more bitterly absurd is that we are not even certain if we really want to know especially if we feel that it would just slice through our hearts.
You cannot be too hard on yourself if the two of you had a falling apart. It wasn’t your fault that he missed something that you were trying to make him see. I know the pain is very hard to bear and you cannot at times help it but to take the fall for what happened. I can’t imagine being in your predicament.
You knew you were at your best even though it didn’t prove to be enough. Best does not mean perfection. Even the most excellent behaviour and deeds have their limitations. Flaws would always come around. You may have had flaws when you were with him and trying to do everything you could to let things grow yet it wasn’t something that you should be hard on yourself about.
We cannot possibly make them take all of what we want to give when all they want to pay for is the usual price for a slice of pie. If they want a slice, we can just give them a bit so they could come back for more.
If this is really what you need then you have to be strong. As you start pulling through there would be roadblocks that would at times push you to the limit. It may sometimes make you want to just give up and you shouldn’t. Tearing yourself away from him and the things that you both shared together would be hard and not any less painful than you think. I surmise that that should be more reason for you to keep it together. There would be no one to bear all of these but you and in the end, when it makes you a better person and you have finally regained your lost self when you loved him, you can say that the pain was all worth it.
Feel how utterly depressing and disappointing it had been. Have a good cry about it and you can even be angry at it but don’t fight it. Don’t break apart fighting something that you should be nursing. The more you smack on the wound, the more painful it gets.
Soon enough, when we have finally loved ourselves as we deserve it, we will find someone we can really share it with. Forget about having so much love to give and no one wanting it. What if it was really so much for them to take? Wouldn’t it feel too pressing for them to give back what we did? If they fail after trying so hard to reciprocate whatever feelings we have for them they tend to feel bad about themselves and rather find someone they can love the way they feel and know it.
Love, romance and commitment are not about giving all of you. It seems more like sharing what you both have to make it grow.