D E S P A I R

Dearest,

Here I am stuck in my room hearing the noise outside while trying so hard to tear myself from thinking about how much I miss you as it starts to hurt.

I am thinking that maybe we could just turn everything back when it was all so happy between us. We didn’t have anything to worry about back then but how we were going to spend the next day together.

But now that things are different I would cry myself to sleep only to wake up shedding more tears because this had to happen. You had to go away and leave me without any acceptable reason.

You only told me that you can’t love me anymore, that what you have given me was the last of it and it was time that I realize that things cannot go any further than this. However, I still cannot find the reason for it all. I just don’t see why you would wake up one day realizing that you’re tired of loving me when you had not shown any of it.

You never made me feel loved, but I never hated you for it. I waited until you could love me the way you know how to. If there was anyone in this relationship who’s supposed to have grown tired, it’ should be me. I didn’t want to because each time you asked me to hang on it felt like I am drawing my strength from you and the hopes that one day you will finally give in to how you really feel about me.

I thought wrong. And I regret it. However, as this night goes on, I could only hate myself and not you. 

I miss you so much and I want you back by my side. I know it’s never going to happen. I know that tomorrow all I can ever have would be tears of sadness and despair for having lost you, for missing you so bad.

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