“I HATE AND LOVE. YOU MAY ASK WHY I DO SO, I DO NOT KNOW, BUT I FEEL IT AND I AM IN TORMENT.”
— CATULLUS CARMINA LXXXV
Breaking up is how things has got to be for lovers realizing that there’s just too many differences between them that seem irreconcilable. In so much instances when both parties have tried so hard and exerted so much effort to reach a compromise they just end up exasperated and give in to the frustration. In the process they would try everything to get to the roots of their differences and at least patch things up but would eventually realize that there’s no other way to set things straight for each of them but to go their separate ways. That way, they would have thought, they could avoid hurting each other more and making things worse as they thought it already was.
Breaking up has got to be one of the most crucial times to someone who has devoted his life to loving a partner. It is that time when all he would ask himself is where things had gone wrong or what he had possibly done wrong. He never could have thought that breaking up could never be any harder just when he presumed that patching things up was not any easy at all.
But come to think of it, for most of us, we cannot just easily give up nor give in to the frustration of making ends meet with our partners.
After the break-up there has got to be no better way but to reconcile with ourselves after having tried to give love’s ease to our partners. If we thought that separating from a loved one for irreconcilable differences was a bit devastating, there is no other way to make things better for ourselves but to create a heaven in hell’s despair. We can use our loneliness to create a deeper meaning to happiness.
Of course we cannot push ourselves into healing that fast after the break-up. Time is of the elements. We have to give ourselves ample time to let the pain sear through. Then we can use that pain to make us stronger by treating it as a lesson we had to learn the hard way.
While most people would deny themselves that moment because they are probably too proud to admit to themselves of their vulnerability to emotional pain, we should in fact be giving ourselves time to grieve and be sad over the loss and the pain for a certain period. Not that we are to harbour resentment and nurture bitterness inside us towards the one who broke our hearts but to instead realize how much we have loved and let a greater love grow within ourselves. Eventually we could get out of that pathetic state and make room for a bigger heart and forgive both our own selves and the other party.
It wasn’t a stupid thing to have loved someone only to end up getting hurt. It wasn’t a mortal sin either for us to punish ourselves for having loved somebody that didn’t work. We choose to love not because we care so much about ourselves nor seek our own pleasure. We love because we want to ease the longing of our partner. We love because we wanted to share our feelings and a big part, if not our whole, lives to the other. And we should not punish ourselves to having done that. Instead we should find pride in ourselves having realized how much love we have been able to give and how much we had let love grown into ourselves.
If by all means we have made it through the break-up and have forgiven ourselves and our estranged partners for what happened we will then have greater chances to be happier. Coping and pulling through the sorrow makes us able to reconcile with our thoughts and our own feelings and our capacity to love and love freely.
And though some would turn their backs on that next chance to love, we could, on the other hand, make for ourselves room to grow in a deeper and more experienced loving since we have gone through a predicament we realize to have been worth learning.
And what is joy worth if not for despair?