BAKIT IKAW?

bakit nga ba?
     sa buhangin kita nakita
          sa buhangin din ba kita iiwan?
               sa dagat tayo nagtagpo
                    sa dagat ko na lang rin ba ipaaanod
                         ang nararamdaman ko?
                              hangin lang naman ang nagbulong sa akin
                                    maari bang sa hangin ko na lang din
                                          iparating ang pagmamahal ko?
                                               bakit ikaw?
                                                    bakit nga ba?
                                                         o bakit nga hindi?

 

 

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P A N I B U G H O

             
aksaya ng panahon
lambi ng oras
walang kwentang mga kataga
mula sa mga labing
puno ng tambis nang kawalang saysay
kiliti ng pag-iisip
likot ng damdamin
agos ng luha
kasabay ng buhos ng ulan…

dilim ng gabi
panibugho ng damdamin
kabiyak ng gunita
alaala ng nakalipas
na walang pinagsimulan

pagkalunod sa tamis
mga katagang binanggit
kagyat na iniwan
pangungulila
pagnanasang makamit ang ligaya
ngunit tila mailap
ang tuwa
pagdurusang inihatid
nang walang kadahilanan
hinayaang tangayin
pangarap ng hangin
binulong sa ulap
nilusaw ng alab

HARRY AND DRACO

MY UNCERTAINTY

 
"They said innocence died in me. A child was taken away within me. Thousands of thoughts had filled me and corrupted all visions of ignorance that used to dwell beneath. And that only ghosts of what used to be there will come once in a rare while. If this could be equivocal to the sun gaining all its heat up to be spread to the world, i would not know. And perhaps i could not ever tell if i am to savour what has happened or despise it. All that i am aware of is that it had faded like the rainbow, died like the sunset and i am faced with this predicament of having to figure out how to put logical and sensible reasons to such existence of mine.

It seemed that time had crushed out the very life of me. I often felt to be flinging my arms up out of weariness. Often, I wished it had not dragged me to this slow moving world vast full of cruelty and prejudice. how I wanted so much to be back in to the wombs of ignorance and void, where I can still prowl the streets and prey on human thoughts. My desire to just separate unwanted knowledge from everything I am now conscious of starts to grow deep within my young body, beneath my age of two millennia.

One has called me to be from the gates of hell. But the flames, which I had never seen nor touched, never appeared to me to be worse than the sky falling. I am an evil incarnate, but why did it not occur to me that such heart beating and pumping of boiling cruel blood would be weak? Why? How could it happen that i, a predator, an epitome of decadence and debauchery itself, would shed tears of blood over the loss of my sanity?

I am my own paramour. Often I say to things, "I am thee". But now that I had it in all way lost myself to this battle I became uncertain of who, amongst millions of being inside myself, should i still take for an undying admiration.

Several times i felt how it was to die, of weariness and being killed. But blood never stopped to be flowing within me. At times my mind raced of various thoughts but they never came out to materialize. They just raced through and within and never had been brought to existence. How, that in my solitude I planned to transform the world into a new one, never had it happened.

This is another, out of a million dark nights when I linger on how much or less my existence has brought me. Another night of my third millennia having been in search of my own soul."

MUSH MUSH MUSH

masakit makaharap ang katotohanang
ikaw na iniibig ko ang nagdadala
sa akin ng panibugho
ikaw na inangkin ko sa aking panaginip
minahal kita sa di tamang panahon
na kahit bukas ay tila hindi
ipag-aadyang magkaroon ng kaganapan
ang mga hiling ko
na buong laya kong ipinahatid
sa bulong ng hangin at banayad na mga haplos
iniibig nga ba kita?

001
kahit ang dala ng damdamin ko’y
pawang pighati at panibugho
patuloy nga ba akong ngingiti?
hanggang sa tuluyang
lamunin ng panahon ang sakit
hanggang sa ang nakapapasong init
ay magdala sa akin ng tuwa
patuloy ba ang ganitong damdamin?
hanggang pawiin ng araw ang dilim
hangga’t akin ang damdaming ito
habang patuloy kang umuukilkil sa’king kabuuan
habang ang hapdi ay nagpapatuloy
bukas o hindi kailanman maganap
ang ako’y ibigin mo
patuloy akong mananangan sa damdamin ko sa iyo
wala nang mas sasarap pa
sa maririnig ko
mula sa mismong mga labing lumapat sa akin
ang mga kataga ng pag-ibig
para sa akin at hindi sa sinumang
iyong kapiling sa kasalukuyan
wala nang mas lilgaya pa sa damdamin ko
kung ang mga kamay mo’y
sa akin nakatangan at hindi sa kanya
kung ang mga mata mo’y
sa akin nakatitig
ang mga haplos at yakap mo’y akin
minsan at nakailang sandali ko nang nadama
ang iyong kabuuan
ngunit makailang libong ulit kong ibinulong sa hangin
na ika ‘y maging akin
kung kabaliwan ma’y
nais kong manatiling ganito
ang mawala sa sariling hibla ng katinuan
na ang laman ng isip ay ikaw
ang mabatid ito’y sapat
upang mapangiti ako sa gitna ng pagluha…

D R E A M I N G O F E R O T I C A

in my deepest sleep i heard his voice
he sang of the most erotic chants
that made my soul writhe in desire
in my solitude his hands moved
with gentle yet wild lust
that touched my spine
his gestures in my burning dreams
lured me and awakened my own aching senses
h i s   e y e s   b r o u g h t   o u t   f i r e
a s   h e   s t a r e d   i n t o   mine
t h a t   s t r i p p e d   o f f   a l l   s h a m e
h i s   l i p s   l i k e   h o t   b u r n i n g   c o a l
l o c k e d   w i t h   m i n e
m a d e   m e   s e e k   f o r   e t e r n i t y
i   s c r e a m e d   i n  a l l  e c s t a c y
a n d   w h i s p e r e d   o f   p l e a s u r e
w h i c h   m a d e   a l l   a n g e l s   f a l l
m y   g r o i n   a c h e d   a n d   w a s   r e l i e v e d
as each spasm has gone through
in my own wildest dreams

S O L I L O Q U Y

alone, awesome

complete within himself

the ignorant

floated in the abyss
alone, in the shadows
drawing forth and counting hours
the paramour
made love to himself
alone, swept away
becoming the great God
the ardent admirer
walked away in flames
alone, solitary
at the end of the day
the aged Lord
said to things, "I am thee."